Thursday, September 18, 2014

why i get mad when fans tell me they love my porn....that they saw on a free website.

i've been in the adult industry for over nine years now.  i can't believe it.  and i got a late start at it.  how late, exactly, i wont say ;-)  but let's just say i am starting to think about entering the GILF market.  and my only regret is that i didn't start sooner, and that i didn't get hooked up with a quality photographer sooner.



so, over the last nine years, there's been a lot of porn i've made!  it thrills me when people pay hard earned money to get my product.  it validates me, and all my hard work, and all the time and trouble it took to make that product.


back when i first started, i got together with my BFFs and we shot each other with no experience, no education about photography, no really great equipment, but a lot of enthusiasm and love for what we were doing.  

then over four years ago, i met someone who partnered with me, and he, throughout the years, invested thousands of dollars into photography equipment, paid for professional photography classes, and taught himself the art, yes, the ART of photography.  i've been impressed over the years at his dedication and desire to better himself at his craft, his passion.



so i stepped the ante, as well.

i now rent expensive "porn palaces" by the week, send the owners a hefty security deposit (some are refundable, some aren't!), get a nail fill, pedicure, facial, eyebrow wax, hair cut, hair color, eyelash extensions (big mistake on that one and will never do that again), massage, dozens of new porn clothes, several new "fuck me heels", new sex toys, and spend hours upon hours sending out shoot information and scheduling time slots for the guys who want to shoot with me.  plus time spent on social media letting people know about upcoming shoots if they'd like to shoot with us.

i also pay to fly my photographer/videographer/editor into vegas, round trip, and pay him a commission on all the hard work he does.

feeding people snacks and liquids and alcohol for 40 shoots can get quite pricey as well.



and for the first time, during my summer shoots in 2014, i had a paid bona fide hair design school graduate and make up artist fix me up every morning to make me camera ready.    



the summer 2014 shoots in vegas literally cost me thousands of dollars.  but i do this because i know that it will reap me a good return on my investment.  i wouldn't do it otherwise.  i consider myself a somewhat savvy business thinker, and while i am not always right, i do believe that it can take money to make money, and i do believe in consistently putting out a QUALITY product, because people will come back and buy more of your quality product.  



how do you think it makes us porn workers feel, especially those who are independent and rely on sales to make a living, when we hear that people are seeing it for free on a porntube site?  it can be demoralizing.  i love my fans and members who email me with a link and let me know that they've found my porn on a porntube site so i can send those sites a DMCA to take it down.  sorry, freeloaders, to spoil your fun, but you have no idea how much it cost to make that video. if you're going to post my porn for free, at least post my link so people know where to go to buy more.  that's the least you can do. 

i know our economy is in a sad state.  i know that $15 is a lot of money to a lot of people.  i know there are people who struggle paying their utilities and their rent or their mortgage or their car payment.  gawd, add on child support, food, car insurance, heath insurance, taxes - we are being beaten down.  but i feel like if someone has enough money for a smartphone or a laptop and an internet connection and the electricity to power it,  they can save up $15 to buy a video.



when someone says to me, "i love the free photos you post, but i want to see the x-rated stuff," and i ask them to join my site, they say they can't afford it.  if that's the truth, OK, i can accept that and understand that.  but unless you are at a public library, using their computer, their electricity and their internet connection, i would think you can afford to buy a membership or video of mine.

a lot of you have followed me for years and know that i keep positive, avoid drama, and hate to complain.  but when i spend LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to bring you high quality porn, shot with professional HD equipment, professional lighting, by a man who has spent years perfecting his craft, editing it on state-of-the-art editing equipment, and i have taken hours and spent a ton of money before my shoots to prepare myself physically at the salon, not to mention all the planning and coordinating and scheduling and buying of new props, only to hear someone say it's not worth it, we'll go find it on a free site, i feel like i should speak up.  because it's not just me.  it is thousands of fellow amateur porn people who have the same thing happening to them.



so, please don't ever question why your favorite amateur porn actress disappeared and no longer is in the business.  if you didn't support her in the most tangible way, by buying her product, most of us have no reason to stay.


THE END(s)!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

two years and four days ago, i came around the mountains and rolled into las vegas with all my worldly possessions in a big moving truck, my car towed behind me on a dolly, my cats in the front cab with me in a huge cage that took up most of the front seats and a good friend who offered to help me drive 1800 miles across the country, and a whirl of thoughts going through my head, most of which sounded like, "are you completely crazy?  what the hell are you doing???"

i left dear family and dear friends and my beloved state of florida all to take a chance.  in some ways, it paid off and in other ways, it broke my heart.  i have now been grieving for almost two years - sometimes riding high with my head in the clouds thinking it can't get better than this, and sometimes grieving so bad i actually was committed to a loony bin for 9 days to get emergency help because i was suicidal.  mostly that is because i thought by coming to vegas, i would be with the love of my life, and that didn't turn out the way i thought it would, and the worst part is, there is nothing this person will let me do to help him.  women are, by nature, nurturers and helpers.  and when you see someone you love with all your heart suffering and hurting, the lowest he has ever been in his life, telling you he is in the bottom of a black, lightless pit and cannot climb out, and they won't let you help, it tears you apart.  and when you see someone you love sinking even deeper into that deep depression and not letting ANYONE help them, even professional help, you sink into a depression as well.

i have finally understood, after two years, that there is nothing i can do to help someone if your help is not welcome.  and so i am finally on the road to healing.

i am single, and happily so.  my motto still is: i would rather be single and happy, than partnered and miserable.

i'm extremely strong, self sufficient, and don't need a man, or anyone, for that matter, to complete me.  i have been told by both men and women that this intimidates some men.  i rarely ask for help and i rarely need company.  i enjoy being alone.  so while all this may be dooming my chances of growing old with someone, i think i am ok with that.  or maybe i am still holding out hope that HE will someday be healed and will accept me again.  i'll have to talk to my shrink about that....

business-wise, my website is doing better than it ever has, and other professional pursuits have paid off well.  i have one of the best health insurance plans in the united states, and i am using it every single week.  i have had hearing problems, carpal tunnel issues, lung problems, heart problems, internal bleeding problems, cervico-thoraco-lumbo-sacral back issues, migraines, headaches, vision problems, photophobia, two free dental cleanings a year, deep dental cleaning to prevent periodontal disease, and psychiatric issues all being addressed thanks to this insurance.  to say that my social life has been doctor visits is not an understatement.  that's what you get when you are self employed in porn and don't have health insurance for years.

i still love doing porn.  my photographer/videographer/business partner/man of many hats and i have our shoots down to a science.  they go smoothly and are stress free.  it's just the planning before the shoots that are difficult.  scheduling 40 guys to shoot over six days can be daunting and takes a lot of time to communicate with each one.  but it's worth all the time and effort.  we shoot about four times a year, three to six days at a time.  

i've been in the adult entertainment industry for nine years now.  webcam girl, phone sex operator,  live voyeur cam house, live group internet sex shows, escort, tantrika, professional dominatrix, fantasy girl, video porn, photo porn, writer...it never gets old.  it's always fascinating.  there's always a new fetish i hear about, there's always a new person to meet and get to know and make sizzling porn with.

my niche at the moment is redhead bbw white MILF fucks younger black man.  well, ok, that's several niches, but it has been working great and i truly love doing these shoots.  something about a younger black man who loves older  thicker white women never ceases to thrill me.  i don't need a lot of artificial lube during my shoots, if you know what i mean ;-)

my next round of shoots is this fall in las vegas - oct 29, 30, 31 and nov 3, 4 and 5.  simply email me if you'd like to give it a try.  porn virgins welcome.  sammie_sc2@yahoo.com.  i will also be shooting this january during avn week.

my photographer often asks me what am i going to do when i am too old to shoot porn.  first, i don't see that happening any time soon, barring any health complications.  i still haven't entered the GILF market yet.  he is encouraging me to get behind the camera, and i have thought about it, but i am not committed to it yet.

i think what i am going to do, though, is write about my real-life experiences in swinging, bdsm, porn, etc, and sell it on amazon.  have you seen the plethora of amateur bbw books on there?  not to mention bdsm and other sexual topics?  i love to write and i have a life long catalog of real-life escapades to choose from, not to mention a few fictional ideas that have been banging around my brain, so i think i will pursue that first.  i will most likely publish it under sammie so be watching for it.  

i am so blessed to have my business partner, because even if my personal life is in upheaval, he never fails to update my site once a week.  be sure to check out the new video and new photo shoot every friday at sensualsammie.com.  remember, if you want to see all the xxx footage, you must join the members section.  we are also working on launching a new site that is totally independent and will offer you direct phonesex and webcam access to me, and we hope that will happen in the beginning of 2015.  there is so much to do, i keep getting sidetracked with my finances, and that keeps getting pushed to the backburner, but it truly is on our priority list.

this has been a pretty intimate (for me) journal entry because i am a very private person and rarely bare-all when it comes to my private life.  and i hate being negative and often just withdraw rather than foist my negativeness on other people.  but thank you for sticking with me these past two years.  i cannot thank my loyal members and customers for your hard-earned money being spent on my porn;  you have no idea how much it helps independent porn workers live their lives.  nowadays, with free porn available everywhere and an economy still in chaos, i know how precious your dollar is and i truly appreciate you purchasing my product.  

peace, 
sammie

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

so it's been a long time.

the move to las vegas has been wonderful, and terrible.  too much to get into right now, but the blog bug has hit and i do believe it's time for me to revisit this little side project and invest some time and thought into it.

in the meantime, feel free to follow me on twitter @sammieSC2 where i try to condense a page of words into 140 characters.

and don't forget to visit my site, sensualsammie.com.  this blog may have been silent, but sensualsammie.com has a new video and photo set every week!

hugs,
sammie

Saturday, August 25, 2012

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....

sorry for the lapse in posts.  the feedback i have gotten from this blog privately really warmed my heart.  but real life interfered for a few months.  so much has happened, both privately, and professionally.  and most of it happened because of a trip i had planned over a year ago, to go to visit friends this spring 2012.

well, i have been to las vegas twice now since March 2012 and spent a total of six weeks there.  I have met some incredible and amazing people.  so much so that i am moving there, from florida, in less than a week.  there is so much to post, both from my past, and from my present, and hopes of the future, but just not enough time in the day.  i was trying to do this blog chronologically but it's difficult to catch up with almost half a decade of experiences in just a few minutes.  

so, off i ride into the sunset, and i will update this more when i can.  i need to find a place to live, and a new local photographer to help me continue my XXX work.  if you know of anyone, please send them my way.  thank you.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

It wasn't always laughs

There were times it wasn't always laughs growing up.  


Face slapping to this day is something I have a love/hate relationship with.  With the right person, at the right time, it is a huge turn-on, and something very, very intimate.  With the wrong person, it can be devastating.


My mom was a slapper.


I am a very literal person.  I always have been, always will be.  I do not understand reading between the lines, nuances, non-verbal cues.  


One time I was standing by the toaster and I asked my mom, "How long before we leave to go to Aunt Iva's?"  The toaster had sides that were like mirrors and I could see my mom come near me to do something.  She replied, "In a little while."  I said, "Is a little while five minutes or fifty minutes, or what?"  And that is the first slap that I remember, right in my face.  


Back when I was a little girl, Sears had a candy kiosk in the middle of the store.  We would pass by it on the way out, and once I asked my mom if I could have some candy and she said, "No."  I wasn't being bratty, I was trying to find out the logical reason of why I was not allowed to have candy and I asked, "Why not?"  There was no logical answer, there was only a slap.  This slap was extremely humiliating.  Kids saw.  Mothers saw.  Store clerks saw.  I was fighting back tears.  I couldn't wait to get to the car fast enough.  And I swore right then and there if I ever had kids, I would never slap them in the face.


And I never have.


I would like to say that those were my only two experiences with face slapping and humiliation, but they weren't.  


Decades later, I was able to use role play with a dominant during an interrogation scene where I requested beforehand that he verbally humiliate me and slap my face repeatedly no matter how much I cry.  He insisted I have a safeword and use it if I needed to, and I promised I would.  


I would like to say that that scene purged the episode with my mom in Sears, but it didn't.  It helped, but it didn't quite address the issue.


To this day, face slapping is something I consider very intimate and very personal and I only do that with someone I trust.  I consider it a great stepping stone when I feel secure enough to engage in this with a particular person.  And, decades later, when I became a professional dominatrix, I still to this day consider face slapping a very personal, intimate thing that I will only do with clients with whom I feel comfortable.  


I feel BDSM is important for many reasons but one of them is that it can be a therapeutic way to act out through role play traumatic events in childhood and work through them.  I have three clients who saw me multiple times for Adult Baby play.  On the phonesex and webcam line that I work for, baby play is prohibited and strictly against the rules.  I disagree with this.  Many of the people I talk to NEED to revisit their childhood in a safe, loving, nurturing environment to work out deep seated emotional needs that were not met.  I consider it an honor for a client to choose me to take them back to that scary, horrible place, and try to help them rebuild it as a different reality.  The gratitude in their eyes says it all.


Since I am single, I have not engaged in face slapping for quite some time.  Most recently, it was Ramen, the Egyptian, and that is a story (or two or twenty) for another day soon.  Man, oh man.  Ramen.  I thought he was The One.  But it was not to be.  He sure brought out some latent submissiveness in me I thought was long gone, but it just didn't work out.  But boy did he know how to bring me to a place of such deep dark total submission, face slapping was just the logical conclusion.  I would cringe every time he raised a hand, whether it was to grab a collar or turn on a light, due to reflexes from his frequent slaps, and to this day I am not sure if that bothered him, or pleased him.  Maybe a little of both.  No matter, it's over now.  


But I think the day will come when I will be playing with someone I trust during role play, finally figure out what it was that happened inside of me that day, and receive closure.


That will be a very good day.


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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Crib

Did you know that soap operas are slowly dying off, one by one?


I watched soap operas for years.  How could I not?  Some of my earliest memories are of soap operas.


My mom listened to her soaps on the radio.  Then this thing called TV was invented and my mom religiously followed them on that newfangled thing.


My mom had five children and a busy household to run, extended family to counsel, a husband to care for, and a big house to take care of.  When I was very young, whether I was tired or not, I was put down for a nap.  My mom needed the time to do things without worrying about an infant getting into trouble.  


My crib was right by my bedroom door, and I could look out of my bedroom door into the living room where I could see the TV playing.  I remember characters on General Hospital that were killed off decades ago.  


Sometimes I fell asleep, sometimes I didn't.  Sometimes I was bored stiff and would watch the soaps.  Sometimes I would listen to my mom talk on the phone to aunts, grandmothers, friends.  Sometimes I would try to climb out of the crib.


I managed to do this a few times, and I would always laugh and laugh that I got out of that crib.  "Hang on, Florence, my monkey escaped."  And she would lift me up and put me back in the crib with a scolding look in her eye.  I am not sure what my personal best was for climbing out of that crib in one day, but I bet my mom could tell you.


One day my mom was painting and I must have gotten into the paint so she put me down for a nap and actually tied one of my wrists to one end of a piece of rope and tied the other end to the bottom of the crib.  Yeah, nowadays I am sure this would be abuse but I thought it was great fun.  I don't know how long it took me, but I managed to untie her knot, climb out of the crib, and laugh when I found her.  


She was not amused.


Another time she put something over the crib as a cover and it was weighted down so I couldn't get out.  I pushed and pushed and pushed until whatever it was came crashing down to the floor with a huge BAAAAAAAAAAAANG.


She was not amused at that either.


The knots got tighter, and harder to undo.  I am sure there were times she had to cut the rope off me after my naptime, but I don't recall that.  But I do know I fell asleep many a time trying to get it undone.  Like a little puzzle or some other relaxing endeavor that makes you sleepy.


Like I said, nowadays I am sure that would be considered child abuse.  But for me it was great fun to see who would win that day's knot.  


I have been told this may be why I love bondage to this day.  They may be right.  I don't know.  


But to this day, the first thing I do when I am put into bondage is to try the bonds.  And when I escape some really good knots, I still laugh gleefully.


And hope I don't get scolded!


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Monday, April 30, 2012

The Basement




Elementary school years were spent growing up in a four story home.  There was the top floor, which housed the bedrooms and bathrooms.  The middle floor, elevated above ground by a few steps, contained the living room, dining room, kitchen and foyer with the main entryway.  The subbasement had a fourth bedroom, a bathroom, and a large family room. 

And then there was the deep basement.  

The deep basement is where my father would retreat with his radio, his beer, his peanuts and his workbench with tools of all kinds in a wonderful workshop.  There was a toy room where there were floor to ceiling shelves containing all our toys.  There was the laundry room with a huge washer and dryer (there were seven of us in the house, laundry was constant).  And in the center of it all was the post.  

The post was a round metal tube that extended from the center of the floor, by a drain pipe, to the ceiling.  It was painted brown.  It was always cold.  I am assuming it was a support of some sort to the house.

We had an older dog who would be incontinent sometimes, so if we were going to be gone for the day, my mom would chain the dog down in the basement to the post.  There was a dog bed there, nice and comfortable and warm with a blanket for her to nest in, a radio with music playing to soothe her, a water bowl and a bowl of dog food.  

Imagine my delight when, one day, I realized that the dog collar, still chained to the leash, which was still chained to the post, was the perfect fit for my neck.

This started a long love of spending hours in the basement.  I dreamed of being a captive to an evil king who kept me thrown in his dungeon, only being brought up to the bright world above to be beaten and used for his pleasure.  I didn't really know what sex was at such a young age but I knew that SOMETHING happened between a man and a woman and the thought of being kidnapped and having whatever the heck it was done against my will made for many hours of pleasurable escape.  

There were other fantasies, too.  Some of which actually were acted out in my later years.  More of that later.  

The day came when the dog collar no longer fit around my throat.  Luckily, I realized the collar would still fit around my ankle, although that was not as satisfying as the fit around my throat.  What is it about the delicate, tender, vulnerable throat, being the focal point of your bondage?  I still love wearing a collar to this day, and being leashed by it.  

After our vacation to Florida when I was ten years old, in the winter, my parents decided enough of the cold. We would move to Florida.  I was thrilled!  Ecstatic!  Jubilant!  I hated winter and because I had only been to Florida for two weeks and experienced balmy 78 degree sunshine every day, I thought Florida was always like that.  I couldn't wait to move.  I told all my friends and bid them farewell and gave them toys I didn't want to take to Florida.  

There was only one problem.

Florida is basically a sandbar.  There is something called the aquifer that runs all throughout Florida underground.  The water table is very low.  Meaning.....

There are no basements in 99% of Florida.

My beloved basement.  My beloved pole.  Gone.  Forever.

But it was worth it.  If we never moved to Florida, I never would have met Carn.