two years and four days ago, i came around the mountains and rolled into las vegas with all my worldly possessions in a big moving truck, my car towed behind me on a dolly, my cats in the front cab with me in a huge cage that took up most of the front seats and a good friend who offered to help me drive 1800 miles across the country, and a whirl of thoughts going through my head, most of which sounded like, "are you completely crazy?  what the hell are you doing???"

i left dear family and dear friends and my beloved state of florida all to take a chance.  in some ways, it paid off and in other ways, it broke my heart.  i have now been grieving for almost two years - sometimes riding high with my head in the clouds thinking it can't get better than this, and sometimes grieving so bad i actually was committed to a loony bin for 9 days to get emergency help because i was suicidal.  mostly that is because i thought by coming to vegas, i would be with the love of my life, and that didn't turn out the way i thought it would, and the worst part is, there is nothing this person will let me do to help him.  women are, by nature, nurturers and helpers.  and when you see someone you love with all your heart suffering and hurting, the lowest he has ever been in his life, telling you he is in the bottom of a black, lightless pit and cannot climb out, and they won't let you help, it tears you apart.  and when you see someone you love sinking even deeper into that deep depression and not letting ANYONE help them, even professional help, you sink into a depression as well.

i have finally understood, after two years, that there is nothing i can do to help someone if your help is not welcome.  and so i am finally on the road to healing.

i am single, and happily so.  my motto still is: i would rather be single and happy, than partnered and miserable.

i'm extremely strong, self sufficient, and don't need a man, or anyone, for that matter, to complete me.  i have been told by both men and women that this intimidates some men.  i rarely ask for help and i rarely need company.  i enjoy being alone.  so while all this may be dooming my chances of growing old with someone, i think i am ok with that.  or maybe i am still holding out hope that HE will someday be healed and will accept me again.  i'll have to talk to my shrink about that....

business-wise, my website is doing better than it ever has, and other professional pursuits have paid off well.  i have one of the best health insurance plans in the united states, and i am using it every single week.  i have had hearing problems, carpal tunnel issues, lung problems, heart problems, internal bleeding problems, cervico-thoraco-lumbo-sacral back issues, migraines, headaches, vision problems, photophobia, two free dental cleanings a year, deep dental cleaning to prevent periodontal disease, and psychiatric issues all being addressed thanks to this insurance.  to say that my social life has been doctor visits is not an understatement.  that's what you get when you are self employed in porn and don't have health insurance for years.

i still love doing porn.  my photographer/videographer/business partner/man of many hats and i have our shoots down to a science.  they go smoothly and are stress free.  it's just the planning before the shoots that are difficult.  scheduling 40 guys to shoot over six days can be daunting and takes a lot of time to communicate with each one.  but it's worth all the time and effort.  we shoot about four times a year, three to six days at a time.  

i've been in the adult entertainment industry for nine years now.  webcam girl, phone sex operator,  live voyeur cam house, live group internet sex shows, escort, tantrika, professional dominatrix, fantasy girl, video porn, photo porn, writer...it never gets old.  it's always fascinating.  there's always a new fetish i hear about, there's always a new person to meet and get to know and make sizzling porn with.

my niche at the moment is redhead bbw white MILF fucks younger black man.  well, ok, that's several niches, but it has been working great and i truly love doing these shoots.  something about a younger black man who loves older  thicker white women never ceases to thrill me.  i don't need a lot of artificial lube during my shoots, if you know what i mean ;-)

my next round of shoots is this fall in las vegas - oct 29, 30, 31 and nov 3, 4 and 5.  simply email me if you'd like to give it a try.  porn virgins welcome.  sammie_sc2@yahoo.com.  i will also be shooting this january during avn week.

my photographer often asks me what am i going to do when i am too old to shoot porn.  first, i don't see that happening any time soon, barring any health complications.  i still haven't entered the GILF market yet.  he is encouraging me to get behind the camera, and i have thought about it, but i am not committed to it yet.

i think what i am going to do, though, is write about my real-life experiences in swinging, bdsm, porn, etc, and sell it on amazon.  have you seen the plethora of amateur bbw books on there?  not to mention bdsm and other sexual topics?  i love to write and i have a life long catalog of real-life escapades to choose from, not to mention a few fictional ideas that have been banging around my brain, so i think i will pursue that first.  i will most likely publish it under sammie so be watching for it.  

i am so blessed to have my business partner, because even if my personal life is in upheaval, he never fails to update my site once a week.  be sure to check out the new video and new photo shoot every friday at sensualsammie.com.  remember, if you want to see all the xxx footage, you must join the members section.  we are also working on launching a new site that is totally independent and will offer you direct phonesex and webcam access to me, and we hope that will happen in the beginning of 2015.  there is so much to do, i keep getting sidetracked with my finances, and that keeps getting pushed to the backburner, but it truly is on our priority list.

this has been a pretty intimate (for me) journal entry because i am a very private person and rarely bare-all when it comes to my private life.  and i hate being negative and often just withdraw rather than foist my negativeness on other people.  but thank you for sticking with me these past two years.  i cannot thank my loyal members and customers for your hard-earned money being spent on my porn;  you have no idea how much it helps independent porn workers live their lives.  nowadays, with free porn available everywhere and an economy still in chaos, i know how precious your dollar is and i truly appreciate you purchasing my product.  

peace, 

sammie