It was only a matter of time before Carn truly dominated me and took away the last thing I had left to give.
In the meantime, my mom was not happy. She didn't like Carn and thought he was trouble. She saw the highly sexual nature of him, in fact, I think she sensed it. It turns out that I found out later my mother was also a very sexual person, she was just better at hiding it.
I devised a system to keep everyone happy. My life at school revolved around Carn. As soon as I arrived in the morning on one of the first buses, I would go to our spot, an outdoor hallway on the second floor of our school that was seldom used. Within minutes, Carn would arrive, and we would have about 45 minutes of extreme make-out time before the first bell rung.
During his 20 minute morning shop break, I would leave my class for the supposed purpose of using the bathroom, where I would meet Carn. At lunch, we would forsake eating and go across the street to the orange grove where there was a party place set up by fellow students. Battery operated radios, mattresses, weed, alcohol - all that you needed for a lunch time party was in the clearing. During my afternoon shop break, Carn would meet me. And finally we said our goodbyes at the bus line at the end of the school day. And of course there was Saturday night.
My mom only knew about Saturday night.
Friday night, I would go out with other guys, have a so-so time, and think about Carn. Or if I was really lucky, I would devise a way to go out on a double date and be picked up first by the guy, so my mom thought I was going out with him, but then we would pick up the guy's date, and Carn. Those were good weekends, when I was able to see Carn two nights in a row.
I hated deceiving my mom like that. I still hate deceiving people to this day. But I did it for Carn, I did it for love.
And finally I gave in to Carn and gave him the most intimate part of myself. This was huge for me. It was, to me, the epitome of my deceitfulness to the church, to my mom, to my God But I loved Carn that much.
My mom was supposedly going away on a church women's retreat. Now, as I look back, I wonder about that. I think she was doing something else, but that's another story. I told Carn that I would be alone all weekend and I wanted him to come visit me. I didn't tell him why. But he promised he would come see me.
That whole day I was a nervous wreck. My conscience beat me mercilessly. I wrestled with warring emotions of loyalty, trust, lust and love. My imagination came up with all sorts of scenarios. What if my mom came home unexpectedly and found us and sent me off somewhere else? I would never see Carn again. What happened if I got pregnant? My mom would throw me out and disown me.
But as Carn arrived and we sat on the same couch that he first fingered me, we started kissing, and he started touching me and I started sucking on him, and just when he REALLY started getting into it, I looked up at his eyes. Those amazing, green/amber eyes, so intense, so full of lust, the sparks in the air crackling with energy, his shirtless torso flexing with pent up male need, and I stood up, ignored his questioning gaze, took him by the hand, and let him into the living room. I wanted to be able to hear if a car pulled up in the driveway, my mother. I had him pull out the couch into the sleeper sofa, and I laid down on it. He still didn't catch on. I pulled his hand to my vagina and he immediately entered it and I was so wet, so slick. But that's how he always made me, so nothing was unusual there. He played with me, but I couldn't orgasm, I was so nervous and scared and worried. Finally he laid back in the bed, confused, his erection going down, and I looked at him. I knew that this boy I was looking at was going to be the one. He had been so patient, never pressured me too much about having sex. Yes he was dominant but he knew my virginity was very important to me and he wanted me to give it to him freely. Well, his strategy worked. His patience would pay off. I wanted to give that to him. No matter how scared I was of the outcome, physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.
I had him lay flat and I straddled him. He looked at me strangely. This was new. And I rubbed myself against his cock. It immediately started to grow and throb. "Don't tease me like that, I won't be able to stop myself if you keep that up." He wasn't kidding. I could feel his lust as it encircled me like a physical presence.
And I looked straight into those eyes that I loved so much and said, "I'm not teasing you."
Finally he realized what I was doing.
And he let me do it all. I decided how long I would rub against him, I decided when I would put his cockhead against my lower lips. I decided how fast and how much of his cock I would take into myself. I decided how long I would remain motionless, letting the pain recede, letting my body grow accustomed to the new invasion, I decided when I would stir and start to move up and down over him. He lay still the whole time, watching my face. It was all so INTIMATE, to watch him watch me lose my virginity on his cock.
I would like to say that I ended up riding him hard and came all over his cock and he came all over inside me and we held each other and marveled at the wonders of penetrative sex. But it didn't work that way. I was still too nervous I would displease him, still too scared my mom would come home, and still too worried I would get pregnant.
But he said it didn't matter that it was not a storybook scene. He said what mattered to him was that I gave him the most deepest part of me I could ever give him, that I allowed him, that I chose him, to be my first.
And he said, "Next time, it will be different. I promise you, you will enjoy it."
That was the first and the last time I ever controlled how we had sex. And he was right, the next time, it WAS different, and I LOVED it.
There was no turning back. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.
My photos and videos
Talk to me on webcam or phone
I'm a Twit! Follow me
No comments:
Post a Comment