"i'm gonna be in vegas - why can't you meet me?"

i've known for about 4 years now that something was wrong with me.  

for 24 years, i've had degenerative disk disease of the lumbo-sacral area of my back, and it gets progressively worse.  it has crept up to my cervical spine area as well, and now there are only a few disks in my entire spine that do not have spinal stenosis, spondylosis, arthritis, nerve impingement, herniation and other problems.  that equals pain.  every day.  every hour.  it gets old really quick.  and if i do something stupid, like bend over to pick up a fallen bottle of shampoo the wrong way, i will be in bed for days with it taking me at least a half hour to get up and just go to the bathroom, in extreme excruciating pain. but after 24 years, i've learned to live with it.

but i knew something else was going on recently.

part of the reason i moved to las vegas was to have one of the country's most excellent insurance plans after years of being uninsured.  yeah, when you are self-employed in the porn industry for years, health insurance gets put on the backburner, especially if you have pre-existing conditions.  

but i've been insured again for 2.5 years now!  hallelujah!  and so after countless x-rays. MRIs, MRAs, CT scans, nerve conduction study, sleep studies, EEGs, EKGs, scopes, enough blood draws for blood work to feed a vampire for a month, pulmonary function tests, arterial blood gas analysis, hearing studies, balance tests and god/dess knows what else i can't remember, and uncountable visits to ENT, pulmonologists, hearing specialist, cardiologist, psychiatrist, neurologist, chiropractors, massage therapists, GPs and god/dess knows who else i can't remember, i finally have some answers, although i am sure my insurance company will be glad when i move on, because they have definitely lost tens of thousands of dollars on me!

people think i'm exaggerating when i say my social life has consisted of doctors' visits for the past two years. i haven't been exaggerating.  it's true.  when i'm not shooting, the most action my pussy gets is when i go get swabbed for my STD testing before the shoots. 

but i finally have some answers.  all this shit is not something my brain is making up!!!  i've finally been diagnosed with SOMETHING.  there's a name to this now.  there is stuff i can research now and learn about to FIGHT this.  

i have chronic fatigue syndrome with comorbid fibromyalgia, and a 40-60% likelihood of lupus.  my next round of doctors will be to see a rheumatologist who specializes in lupus to get more answers.

so you may be asking, what do those three diseases do?

here are all the symptoms i personally have:

• extreme fatigue
• loss of memory and/or concentration
• recurring sore throats
• painful enlarged lymph nodes in the armpits
• unexplained muscle and joint pain
• pain that moves from one joint to another without swelling or redness
• headache of a new type, pattern or severity
• migraine
• unrefreshing sleep
• extreme exhaustion lasting more than 24 hours after physical or mental exercise
• occasional insomnia lasting over 40 hours of no sleep
• depression and anxiety
• swelling and inflammation 
• shortness of breath
• dyspnea on exertion
• chest pain/tightness
• hypoxia (blood oxygen saturations less than 90%)
• confusion
• word finding difficulties
• photophobia (extreme sensitivity to light)
• essential tremor
• nerve damage 
• recurring intermittent right facial paralysis
• impaired balance
• hair loss
• peripheral neuropathy
• orthostatic intolerance
• low blood pressure
• and other fun stuff that is not related, like acid reflux disease and whatever else i've forgotten. 

this all may explain why i don't do webcam any more, why i don't escort anymore, and why i probably won't be able to meet someone for drinks if they happen to come into town.

and this probably also explains why i am still single and will probably remain single.  what man would want to put up with all this?  i certainly don't want to!  heh.

but hey, if you are coming into town and want to meet up for drinks, it doesn't hurt to ask.  i might be having a good day and can get out.  

as far as escorting, because it is so difficult to be adequately rested and prepared for a companionship appointment, i will take clients who are comfortable with $400/hr with 50% deposit due 72 hours before our appointment.  if i have to cancel because of illness, the 50% deposit WILL be refunded.

as far as webcamming, i just have no desire and energy to do it anymore and thank you to EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU who buys my videos and website membership, because of you, i do not HAVE to do webcam to pay my bills and make it financially every month. 

unfortunately, all these years of illness has taken its toll on me, and i am seriously considering retiring from porn.  but as i learn more and try different alternative methods of treatment (the medical community does not have any cures or remarkable treatments), i'll be able to make a better decision about retiring or not.

in the meantime, i have a treat for you.  

april 2015 marks FIVE YEARS i have been in business partnership with The VP and we are offering you a FREE video to everyone who emails me (sammie_SC2@yahoo.com) during the month of april specifically requesting the free video.  It will be one of the first videos The VP ever made of me, in celebration of our history of working together.  i hope you like it!

hugs,

sammie

.

girls just wanna have fun!

so apparently even though this is Las Vegas, some clubs do not like flashing. We got kicked out of the club. But sometimes the girls just want to come out and have some fun too!  But it's Ok.  the after party with naked men and women was pretty damn fun.  see? It really does pay to be one of my stunt cocks lol

party like a pornstar

i thought it would be fun to do a sort of journal about my porn BFF's upcoming birthday weekend.

yes, eden charm is coming to vegas TODAY for her birthday.  we talked about this for months and she is finally on her way and i pick her up at the airport in FIVE HOURS!

also coming into town is shelby sexton!  i am so looking forward to meeting her for the first time.  and it's about damn time!  

also joining in the festivities is another birthday girl, juicy jazmine!  i have invited all the local porn stars i could think of, texted all the locals in my contacts list. i've twittered this to death, and our good buddy from Plush Nightclub is arranging two for one drinks for all in our party!  

i have not slept since last night and i am too excited to go to sleep so this should be an interesting weekend, to say the least.

if you happen to be in vegas today, drop by gold diggers inside the gold nugget.  we should be there by 10 pm.  

juicy jazmine and i pre-partied.  we bought tons of alcohol for this weekend, got our noses repierced (ow ow ow ow), and scarfed down roberto's tacos.  mmm!  we picked out our sexy slinky outfits for tonight and we are both wearing flats.  sorry, heel lovers.  practical over outright dangerous, please.  heels and getting totally wasted do not mix well.

i am going to attempt a short nap, and then will head to the airport.  i will try to update this throughout the day as time allows and before i forget anything.  

i do believe i have enough bail money for this....

and so it begins....

shoot day! part 2

Yes!  The long awaited (or maybe not awaited at all) part 2 to my shoot day post crazily titled, i know, this is wacky, hold on to your hats. part 1!

so, my friends, we left off with a run down of what happens the day before shoot week aka hell week starts, and ended right at 10 am on the day the first shoot starts.  now, this is a rundown of shoots post-The VP.  shoots pre-The VP were completely different.  that's another journal entry entirely.

now, as i recall from part 1, my pussy was tingling with anticipation because in just a few moments, i would be welcoming my first stunt cock of the day!

here's a bit of history.

way back when i first met The VP, we maximized every single minute of our shoot times.  we would typically shoot on a friday, saturday and sunday, usually in tampa or some other florida city. and i would stay in that city to escort the monday, tuesday and wednesday after the shoots. (OMG, remind me to tell you the story of "the wild man" shoot in tampa sunday night when i had an escorting client arriving literally moments after the shoot and what i had to do to hide some evidence!)  ANYWAY, i would typically rent a nice hotel room and we would set up shop.  

well, at first i would rent nice hotel rooms.  then, as my popularity grew and The VP's skillz grew and we started making good money, the hotel room changed to a two bedroom hotel suite complete with full kitchen, then to townhouses, then to houses and now to beautiful mcmansions i affectionately dub "porn palaces."

but anyway, back to the beginning.  since i was paying for a nice room, i understandably wanted to get my money's worth, so i would check in early friday morning if allowed, and would be ready for shoots at 10 am, noon, 2 pm, 4 pm, 6 pm, and 8 pm.  yup, you read that right.  every two hours a new shoot with a new "stuntcock".  i should have asked for a room with a fricken revolving door.  

as my stunt cock arrives, he is greeted at the door by either me or The VP, and is led to a table where there are cheese, crackers, veggies with dip, our former mascot of pretzel M&Ms, water, gatorade, pepperidge farm cookies, fruit, soft drinks and mixers for drinks.  if i don't answer the door, it is because i am changing from the last shoot, giving a soon to arrive costar directions, cleaning the coochie from the last shoot, or other activities that a lady cannot mention. not that i'm a lady but i figured you would get bored.  The VP gets the paperwork out of the way as Mr. SC arrives.  

Stuntcocks have to sign a model release stating they are over 18 and are giving me rights to publish the images, a picture of their photo ID proving they are over 18 is taken, and finally a 2257 form is signed, that lovely paperwork that is shown to the eff bee eye if they come a-knocking on my door checking my paperwork to prove so and so in such a such video was not a child when we shot us doing this and that.  

Now let the record show that there were actually shoots I did 100% sober!  i did not partake in anything that would have rendered my consciousness altered in any way.  and there have been plenty of shoots here i have been...ahem...tipsy.   but, let the record also show that there were actually shoots that I DO NOT REMEMBER!  more on that later.  

sometimes i feel like drinking, sometimes i don't, and i honestly don't see a difference in the quality of my shoots whether i am drinking or not.

So, if handsome, gorgeous, virile, manly, sexy stuntcock and i have not discussed exactly what we are going to shoot by now via phone or email or texts, this is the time where we will figure it out.  will anal be done.  where is the cumshot gonna be.  bareback or condoms.  a story line.  can he spank me, pull my hair and call me nasty filthy cumslut whore.  (by the way, the answer is yes, yes yes, and oh fuck yes).  can he pull out in time to cum all over my ass.  if it's the last scene of the day and i don't have to worry about my hair and makeup will it end with a facial cum scene.  does he like his balls licked.  does he like to get rimmed.  do i like to get rimmed.  what are his kinks.  my list of kinks that rivals the length of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace. the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow whether african OR european.  oh wait, wrong blog.  (shout out to fellow monty python fans there.)

now i know there are people who like to get to know their costars and stuntcocks who prefer some type of conversation before they get down to business but honestly, it doesn't matter to me either way.  i have been in the bdsm world for decades, the swinging world for decades, in an open marriage when i was married for decades, went to gangbangs for decades and i am a nudist who knows no shame in the naked human body...i really don't need to know a person before we fuck.  fucking is fucking.  now if you are talking about a tantra session where there is sacred sexuality involved, that is a totally different story and i would much prefer we talk and get to know each other and see if we are on the same page first, because sacred sexuality and tantra is spiritual to me.  but fucking?  purely physical.  sometimes emotional.  maybe mental.  but rarely spiritual.  but never say never....

i was always a very sexual person and never believed that fucking was bad or evil or special or precious or something you give only to that special someone.  i thought it was fucking amazing!  and like a typical hedonist, what is better than something that is fucking amazing? MORE somethings that are fucking amazing!  so no worries when i went to bdsm parties with my Master and he told the whole room of mostly strangers they were welcome to come fuck me.  no worries about going to a new group's swinger party and diving headfirst in on an ongoing gangbang.  we'll get acquainted with each other's personal histories when we come up for air and water, thank you very much.  i'm the type of slut who knows within thirty seconds of meeting you whether or not i want to fuck you.  that's the truth.  it's all chemistry.  pheromones.  charisma.  swag.  you, dear sir, either have it, or you don't.  a thirty minute conversation with you isn't gonna magically make you grow some.  

DISCLAIMER:  SEX WITH STRANGERS NOT HAVING VERY RECENT TEST RESULTS IS ALWAYS DONE WITH CONDOMS!

so if my stuntcock is ready to fuck and doesn't need to break the ice, it's SHOOT TIME!  WHOOT!

but if he does need to break the ice, i have nothing against that.  we can shoot the shizz, share some drinks, swap stories, give him a lap dance, inappropriately grope his manmeat if he likes, play charades, whatever.  it's all good!  

but in that two hour time slot we will have shot at least 50 sexy photos and completed one video.  all my stunt cocks are welcome to receive a copy of the photos and the video.  bring your own flash drive and you can take it home right there.  otherwise, you can get the edited, finalized product the week it goes up live on my website via a secure download link. 

what goes on in the shoots, you ask?  FUN!  yes, i do this to make money.  but if my costar is not having fun, i'm not having fun.  

there will be laughing.  there will be inside jokes.  there will be clumsiness on my part because i am a klutz and may even fall off the bed.  i probably will fart at least once ESPECIALLY if i have been eating the veggies with dip.  you probably will get a blow job, we probably will fuck and you probably will cum.  you will be welcome to accost, fondle and otherwise violate my DD tits and huge wide-load (aka butt).  we may play a game of pool and fuck on the pool table.  we may sit in the hot tub and fuck in the hot tub.  we may or may not get drunk.  we may or may not scarf down copious quantities of M&Ms (as of now, almond M&Ms is my shoot mascot, no longer pretzel M&Ms.  sorry, caleb!  btw, that's an example of an inside joke.)   

point being, it's totally up to you.  i not only want to make money, i want to show guys who never shot before that making porn can be fun.  i do things differently, from what i've heard.  i don't treat my costars like cattle.  i have heard horror stories of guys who fantasized about shooting with their favorite porn star, and when they actually had the opportunity, they were treated like shit and were made to feel like commodities that are not worthy of any connection other than signing the paperwork, performing, and having to get the hell out of there cuz your purpose (and hard-on) has expired.

so, this happened at 10 am, noon, 2 pm, 4 pm, 6 pm and 8 pm.  we wrapped at 10 pm.  twelve hours.  longer, actually, because i got up at 8 am to start getting shoot-ready.  shower, hair, make up, slut clothes, 6" fuck-me-heels, props. enemas if anal was gonna be shot that day, de-hairing the face, arms, legs and coochie, etc.  

yeah, we're pretty exhausted come 10 pm.  every muscle in my body is aching and The VP's knees, even with knee pads, are creaking.

now, you didn't see any breaks on that schedule, did you?  you didn't see any meal times either, did you?  that's cuz we didn't take any.  we were there to WORK.  what's this meal time break thing?  HAH!  that's for sissies!  pussies!  wimps!

until The VP put his foot down a year or two ago and said we were gonna take meal breaks.  i compromised.  we would take meal breaks, ok.  but ONLY if someone cancelled!  hah!  take that!

speaking of which, what's a great way to tick off an obsessive-compulsive porn star who feels the shoot schedule she has labored over for weeks coordinating it to a T is on par with other written holy books like the koran, the bible and the talmud?  yeah, you got it.  don't show up on her.  no phone call, no text, no email, no twitter DM, no facebook PM, just dead silence.  

as stephanie tanner immortalized, "how. rude." 

i have no tolerance for no-shows, unless you can prove you were in a coma proven through notarized hospital records in a jungle with no cell phone service and a dead cell phone with no way to buy a new battery.  and even then, you should have arranged for someone to call in for you just in case of said coma.

i used to get ticked off but no longer.  now, it's either solo shoot time with all the new sex toys i just bought for the shoot and can't wait to try out, or ALLOWING The VP the PRIVILEGE to eat a meal.  maybe.  if he's lucky.  but know this for sure:  that no-show will be taken off my shoot notification list for ever and ever, amen.  praise be.  he no longer exists in my world.

speaking of no longer, we no longer do the two hour time slot schedule.  why, you ask with bated breath.  well, two reasons.

1.  i had a brainstorm about a year ago that if we got six photo sets and six videos in a typical two hour time slot shoot day, how about we change the time slots to three hours each, and get two photo sets and two videos out of each time slot?  brilliant!  now, we get EIGHT photo sets and EIGHT videos per day!  tah-dah!

sounds so efficient and smart and business wise, doesn't it?  well, yeah, heh, here's reason 2.

2.  i'm getting old.  i believe in working smarter now, not working harder.  let's have the same guy do two videos and two photo sets in three hours instead of one video and one photo set in two hours, and it will save us time and ENERGY. (oh...energy....that precious, precious commodity of the young!) we already have a camaraderie.  we already have the paperwork done.  we may have already each drank a half bottle of vodka and are raring to have another round at it!  he's primed, my pussy is wetter than a rainforest in the rainy season, why end it now!?

see, before, we were banking lots of footage in the can for future emergency use.  what if i got sick?  what if The VP got sick?  what if i were stuck in a loony bin for months?  what if i was on a world-wide escorting tour and got arrested and disappeared into a dark prison ad ravaged by my prison guard who happened to look like Dolvett Quince for months?  what if my UNFULFILLED (hint hint) fantasy of being kidnapped and used as a sex slave by virile, sexy, six pack abs, horny mandingos who happen to look like trey songz, ludacris, blair underwood, lenny kravitz, columbus short, all of the wayans brothers, and frank ocean came true for days?  so we update four photo sets and four videos a month, and there are 4.3 weeks in a month, but we have six shoots to show for our monthly shoot weekend, we had a little buffer.  but as a hedonist, what's better than six shoots?  EIGHT SHOOTS!  now i can be kidnapped and used as a sex slave by virile, sexy, six pack abs, horny mandingos for months! 

and nowadays, the VP flies to vegas, and we shoot for six days, meaning we should have 36 photo sets and 36 videos when he boards that big bird back to that big sandbar known as florida.  but if we do it the new way, we now have FORTY-EIGHT sets in the can.  if you're a numbers geek like me, you are literally creaming in your jeans right now.

and so for the last two or three shoot weeks, we have tried this.  

the results?  eh.  sometimes it works.  sometimes the chemistry is so fucking amazing hot that we are thrilled with the footage.  but sometimes the first shoot is delayed and delayed and delayed and there is no time to get the second shoot in.  sometimes the costar may have drank just a weeeeeeeeeee tiny bit too much and can't perform.  sometimes the stuntcock had to cancel so instead of  The VP and i taking a "short break" to eat and then do all solos for the rest of that time slot, the "short break" turns into a....oh, i don't know, a THREE HOUR LONG "short break".  sometimes that damn hot tub bubbling outside sings its siren song to me and my cramped, spasming muscles can't resist.  sometimes the food The VP makes actually makes me hungry (he lately has been cooking steaks on the grill, damn him!)

now here where it gets interesting.  ok, maybe not interesting for you cuz i see those yawns.

but five years ago, i would have been stressing.  majorly stressing.  like obsessive-compulsive type stressing.  here's an example:

mr. nuttz invited me and one of my porn bffs, eden, to come up to detroit to shoot a number of years ago.  this was right in the height of my scheduling OCD time.  beau jingles, amethyst, eden, mr. nuttz, rocweiler jaksun, don prince, charlie hustle and others were all in the room enjoying themselves, networking, building relationships, laughing, schmoozing, having a great time!  and all i could think about was, "i took off work unpaid, i paid money to fly in here, and WE ARE NOT SHOOTING!  we are supposed to be SHOOTING!  do you hear me, dangnambit, SHOOOOOOOOTING! aaaaaggggghhhhhhhh!"  now i didn't say all this out loud but i am sure the nasty vibes i must have been throwing off said all this loud and clear.  i'm surprised none of them didn't pick me up and boot me out the door.  just goes to show you these were all good peeps. 

well.  fast forward some years.  enter a key player.  a twenty-first century miracle.  a fucking amazing creation thanks to the world of science.  it's called....drum roll please.....PAXIL.

yes, paxil. 

according to wikipedia, paxil treats:  "major depression [which i have], obsessive compulsive disorder [which i have not been technically diagnosed with but i....ahem...er....perhaps... may have], panic disorder [which i have], social anxiety disorder [which i have], PTSD [i don't THINK i have] and generalized anxiety disorder [which i have].

oh my god, becky.  do you know how differently my life would be right now if i was on this pharmacological godsend decades ago?  for one thing, i wouldn't have all this fucking grey hair, lemmetellya.

so, mr. nuttz, may i please have a detroit redo?  with charlie and beau and amethyst and don and eden?   please?  please???  i'll suck your nuts.  well, you know i love sucking your nuts anyway but i'll suck them even better for a redo, i swear!

anyway.  let's visit my last round of shoots.

if you ever received one of my pre-shoot emails, there are a bunch of rulez.  one of the rulez is:  don't bring any lookie-lous.  there are many reasons for that, but one of the reasons is, the more people you have in a room, whether they are behind the camera, or in front of the camera, the longer it will take for that scene to finally get underway.  and when you are an OCD shoot schedule adherent, that delayed start can make the next shoot start late, which makes the shoot after that start even later, which means the whole rest of your day is fucking off schedule.  or no fucking at all.  which means making no fucking money.  which means a major meltdown for said OCD shoot schedule adherent.

but, as i said, i am getting older.  and i have paxil now!!!  (throws confetti and dances nekkid!)  praise be to the porn god/desses!  so during my post-avn shoots, i did as i usually do, and i rented a porn palace.  

but this time, and this is major, people, believe you me,  i invited Team VP's people to come in and use the house too.

ah mah gahd.  

five years ago, i could have never done this.  but that was pre-paxil.  heh heh heh.

how many shoots should i have gotten during this post-avn shoot?  20.  twenty photo sets, twenty videos.  two and a half days of shooting.  monday 4 pm and 7 pm.  tuesday 10 am, 1 pm, 4 pm and 7 pm.  wednesday 10 am, 1 pm 4 pm and 7 pm. 

how many did i actually get done?  erm...ummm...wellllll.....hah!  i don't know!  i kinda don't care!  wait, i mean i do care cuz it cost me a lot of money (see, paxil only works so much, lol) but i kinda don't care cuz....omg...IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!

now, i was bad.  i admit that.  you are not supposed to drink when you are on paxil.  but i was bad.  oooopsies!  and i did warn the VP that, dammit, for once, (and this was the paxil speaking), i'm just gonna let things HAPPEN and, damn the schedule, HAVE FUN!  and DRINK!  my shoot schedule was just a rough estimate, a flexible guide, of what COULD have happened.  no shows?  hah!  they don't know what they're missing!  heeeeyyyy we have a world series of poker card table here!  who wants to play cards?  heeeeeeeeyyyyy, that hot tub reached 101 degrees - first one in the hot tub gets a blow job!  oh, LOOK!  BOOBIES!  come here, you!   geez your lips are SOFT!  heeeeeeeeeeeyyyy, there's a pool table!  i may not be able to tell which one is the cue ball, but who wants to shoot?  

you would think i was in a manic phase of bipolar.  but i wasn't.  (i oughta know, cuz i'm bipolar too!  hah hah.)  (remind me to tell you of my long long journey to abilify and wellbutrin someday, paxil's beloved cousins.) 

now comes the scary part.  cue the melodramatic music.

first of all, the love of my life swung by and AND I DON'T REMEMBER IT.  not only that, but the love of my life swung by and did a hot three-some shoot with juicy jasmine and myself.  AND I REMEMBER NONE, NADA, NOT UNO MOMENTO of it.  

and the love of my life swung by and i am told he and i fucked before the shoot, and we fucked after the shoot.  AND I REMEMBER NONE OF IT.  The VP had to send me the footage of the shoot to see why the love of my life said it was such a fucking hot shoot.  (and for the record, it IS A FUCKING HOT SHOOT.  of course it is.  he's the love of my life!!!) 

i was told the love of my life and i went out to get booze cuz we ran out AND I DON'T REMEMBER IT.  i know he wouldn't let me drive in that state and he doesn't drive drunk, thank god/dess.  but i know we got booze cuz shore nuff, there was more booze in the freezer when i was semi sober the next morning.

i don't like it that there are whole hours of those days gone, and i have no recollection of them.  actually, it scares the shit out of me, no enema needed.

i know there was a beautiful latina lady who came to the house two days in a row and she had a gang bang and i vaguely remember picking up a camera and filming the love of my life fucking her and i remember i was so wet between my legs filming it (i love to watch him fuck other people) that i wanted to drag him upstairs and rape him afterward.  but that's all i remember of that even though i was told i shot a pretty good portion of that gangbang.  gawd, whoever's camera that was, i sure hope you can use the footage and that i didn't fuck it up too much.  

i also know i did something really stupid, like got through with a really fun and sexy shoot and came sailing downstairs on a endorphin high and said really loud to mr nuttz, "hey, i'm ready for our shoot now!" only to peek around the corner and see that he was RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOOT and all the people standing around were not talking because they were SHOOTING.  and this gorgeous girl with gorgeous eyes looks up from her blowjob she was giving to mr. nuttz and i swear i could have melted into the ground like the wicked witch of the west and would have been happy never to have been seen again.

fuck.  now that's a fucking newbie mistake, and this ten year adult entertainment veteran did a fucking newbie mistake.  one thing i gotta say for lyla everwett, she was very sweet when i apologized to her afterward and didn't make me feel like a complete fucking idiot.  and i sincerely apologize to her editor for the extra work i caused.  as for mr. nuttz, well, that's just another excuse for me to get on my knees and suck his luscious balls, not that i ever need an excuse to do that. 

i also know, and this part is even more excruciatingly embarrassing, but this is a tell-all post, after all, from people telling me afterward that a certain person who contacted me on twitter weeks before my post-avn shoots and asked me to shoot with them, even though that type of shoot typically reduces my sales, but i said yes to anyway, turned around and blew me off and did not return my replies and then finally told me they would not be in town the dates of my shoots and they could not change their travel reservations....only to have them show up at the porn palace, on one of the days of my shoots, to meet everyone who was there, i am assuming.  from what i understand, i was not kind to this person, and i regret that.  i don't like being unkind.  i don't want to be unkind.  i wish i could remember myself what i did, and not have to hear it secondhand from witnesses and i wish i could rewind the tape and have a redo. i should have been kind and gracious and i should have been above what i was told i did. 

the moral of the story is, paxil does not stop you from being a bitchy asshole or a mean cunt.  although i really do try not to be an asshole or a mean cunt.  and i rarely am, truly.  you really gotta piss me off to make that come out in me.  but being unkind to this person, i know, was the six partial bottles of vodka that i had consumed by this time -- BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE.  i was still an assholish cunt. and someday i will apologize to this person.  when i am not pissed off any more about what this person did.  um, and now i need my paxil dose, thankyouverymuch.

so....what does the future hold?  

i predict, no tarot cards or crystal ball needed, that future shoots will be a combination of pre-paxil one-shoot-every-two-hours-or-two-shoots-every-three-hours with a good dose of post-avn-shoots-free-for-all.  minus the drunken assholish cunt part.

i've only been in the adult industry for ten years.  and i plan on being in it for decades more.  the way i see it, i still have decades to go before i find that perfect recipe of the perfect shoot week.  there needs to be balance, methinks. but i'll tell you one thing.  it sure is going to be a hell of a lot of fun trying to get that perfect balance right in the meantime.  :-)  because:

i have two shoot mottoes:  

WHEN IT STOPS BEING FUN, I'LL STOP DOING IT

and 

ANYTHING FOR THE SHOOT!  (another inside joke back to the Fetish Fantasy SC2 (Leather Lady) and Cowboy4u shoot days) 

o

Why I do not use Talent Testing Services

When I go to the doctor, especially my gynecologist, I am truthful about what I do. I used to tell my doctors the truth that I was in an open marriage, and later when we were divorced, that I was a swinger and in open relationships. I think they figured something was going on, because I asked fr STD testing a lot more than your average patient.


When I moved to Las Vegas, I decided to be even more open and honest with my health care practitioners and I told them I do amateur porn. My GP understood the necessity of frequent testing and obliged by writing me orders for yet another round of STD testing before each set of shoots. Then I had to get my yearly Pap smear and mammogram (my mom had breast cancer so I get one annually due to high risk) at my gynecologist, and I told her what I do and that I needed to be retested because I had shoots coming up. She pulled up my records from my GP and saw what tests he usually ordered. She said, "I know Dr. XXXXXXX has ordered chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and so forth, but I test for EVERYTHING." I said, sign me up! and off I went to the lab.


My gynecologist tests for EVERYTHING. and i do mean EVERYTHING.


even when i lived in florida and went to the county health department and they knew i was in porn, even they didn't test me for everything my las vegas gynecologist tests me for.


so one day i went to talent testing's website. talent testing, in case you don't know, is one of the porn industry's testing network so you can get very quick results to prove you are disease free and thus safe to work with in a porn shoot.


here is a list of their most comprehensive testing package, the gold panel:


HIV-1 NAT
HBsAg
Anti-HCV
Chlamydia
Gonorrhea
Trichomonas Vaginalis
Syphilis (RPR)
TREP-SURE EIA - Treponema pallidum Antibody, IgG by ELISA


what exactly are these tests, you ask. Well, ok, maybe you aren't really asking, but humor me and pretend you are asking.


HIV is the virus that causes AIDS.
HBsAG is the hepatitis B virus.
Anti-HCV is the hepatitis C virus.
Chlamydia
Gonorrhea
Trichomonas Vaginalis
Syphilis
Treponema pallidum is the bacteria that causes syphilis.


Pretty comprehensive, wouldn't you say? you would think that after having been tested for all that, you could walk out and say to your next sex partner, "i'm clean!" right?


Wrong.


My gynecologist was visibly upset that a testing company that is the industry standard leaves out some very important tests. She made it clear to me what Talent Testing is lacking.


Genital herpes/oral herpes (HSV-1/HSV-2)
Genital warts
HPV (human papillomavirus)
Hepatitis A
Bacterial vaginosis
Crabs
Scabies
Amebiasis
Cryptosporidiosis
Giardiasis
Shigellosis
Chancroid (Haemophilus ducreyi)
Granuloma inguinale or (Klebsiella granulomatis)
Candidiasis (yeast infection)
Hepatitis D
Hepatitis E
Molluscum contagiosum virus MCV

Say what???


Yeah.


Good grief. I asked her why would a company allow porn talent to go out and work without being more thorough. her opinion was threefold:


1. money. it would be cost prohibitive for the testing facilities to test for all these nasties and most people in the porn industry could not afford to pay for all these tests before a shoot.
2. time. some of these tests require a swab of the mouth. vagina, cervix and/or penis to run a culture. this would take more time for the drawing facility to take the swabs, and would take the lab more time to get results back to the patient.
3. and finally, the dirty little secret: some of these STDs are so prevalent, and are spreading so rapidly, it would decimate the porn industry if talent were tested for it. let me explain.


This boggled my mind: there are 318.9 million people in the USA.


HPV:   25% of the american population has HPV and according to the CDC, sometime in your life you will probably have it. just in case you didn't know, there is a link between HPV and cervical cancer.  don't you think we should be tested for something that could cause us cancer? one of our own, angelique pettyjohn, died of cervical cancer at the age of 49. shouldn't we be more vigilant about this?


HERPES:  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about one out of six people in the United States aged 14 to 49 have genital herpes caused by the HSV-2 infection (the herpes simplex virus often responsible for genital herpes). The overall genital herpes statistic is probably higher, the CDC stated, since many people are also contracting genital herpes through oral sex caused by HSV-1 (the kind of herpes usually responsible for cold sores). Taking that into account, genital herpes statistics are usually quoted at closer to 25 percent for women and 10 percent for men, but most of these people don’t even know they have it. now my gynecologist said, and it makes sense, that people in porn will likely be passing herpes to each other more so than the general population because, as i have said crudely for years, the porn industry family is incestuous and sooner or later, we will all fuck each other either directly or indirectly. so, the likelihood that people in porn has a much higher percentage rate of herpes is logical. but the scary part is, MOST OF US DON'T KNOW IF WE HAVE IT because it is often times asymptomatic all your life, and WE DON'T GET TESTED FOR IT by talent testing.


i need to get a few hours of sleep so i am going to end this for now. but for your own sake, please don't think you are "disease free" just because you got tested. be sure you get tested for EVERYTHING. in some cases, ignorance is not bliss. i often ask my fellow sexworkers, when was the last time you were tested for everything that talent testing doesn't test for? most people have never been fully tested. they may not want to know. they may not be able to afford a complete work up. they may think they are "clean" because they have no symptoms (even though many STDs can be carried by you and passed along by you without your knowledge). People, don't we owe it to ourselves, and if not to ourselves, to our fellow sexworkers to #knowyourstatus ? not just your talent testing status, but your COMPLETE status?


think about it.
please.

for the sake of your next coworker.

two sides to every story

i always have the best intentions to blog but life gets in the way.  there's so much to write about, but so little time to do it!

but one thing i've been wanting to cover for a very long time is a voice of reason in response to a very bitter, hateful, insecure and jealous person's blog.  this has been bothering me because. as anyone who has known me for more than 15 minutes can attest, i hate lies and i cannot tolerate liars.

this person has taken her negativity and spewed it all around to denigrate all those unlucky enough to have come in contact with her, including my dear friends in Team VP, as best she could.

instead of addressing each and every entry of her blog, paragraph by paragraph, i will just address two items that have bothered me the most.  

this person has incorrectly stated that the porn moratoriums in 2014 were mandatory.  if she would just take a moment from her volatile and irrational temper, and check her facts, she would find that every article on the internet about the porn moratoriums in 2014 states that they were all voluntary, and not mandatory.  the only time you see the word "mandatory" in these articles is when it mentions mandatory STD testing for the actors, and mandatory use of condoms in porn valley. there is not one word about a mandatory moratorium.  furthermore, if you google "voluntary porn moratorium", you will see several pages of articles stating that they were, in fact, by the National Coalition for Free Speech's own words, all voluntary.  

furthermore, these voluntary moratoriums addressed the major mainstream studios and not necessarily the amateur industry.  

if everyone has been tested before an amateur shoot, and has not had any contact with anyone from a major mainstream studio after testing, it would be like saying that if you bought pet food from china that turned out to be tainted, you should not buy any dog food from idaho, either.  this is not logical.  one has nothing to do with the other.  as long as appropriate measures are in place, there is no need to worry about the unsafe product from china if your dog has had no exposure to that particular dog food.  

it's not trying to get away with something, or thinking that you are above the law, as she accused.  it's just simply common sense.  

another grievance brought up was the use of fake cum.  here's the facts:

porn is fantasy (surprise!).  does every pizza delivery boy, every maintenance man and every cable guy get to fuck their nubile, gorgeous, perfectly made-up, hairstyled, scantily clad, 6 inch heeled, firm and perky DD breasted, perfect asses, creamy skinned customers?  in a perfect world, the answer would be, "fuck, yeah!" and the lines for job interviews for such fields would be very long indeed.  but porn is fantasy.  fake hair, fake tans, fake makeup, fake boobs, fake eyelashes, fake scenarios, sometime even fake boners using oral or injected medication, and, ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your hats, sometimes, even with the best of 'em, fake cum!

gasp!

yes, it's a dirty little secret in the porn industry that fake cum is used.  and not just on amateur sets but, double gasp! on mainstream sets.  

think about it.  you are renting a studio, the expensive photography lightbulbs are burning, hair and makeup artists are on deck, the air conditioner is sucking expensive electricity, the director and cameramen are waiting, and waiting, and waiting, everyone is tired and wants to end the stupid shoot, and every minute costs money.  and costing money cuts into your budget.  but the guy can't cum.  do you really think the porn studios are going to waste precious time and money by waiting and waiting and waiting for a guy who can't perform the "money shot?"

you don't need a master's degree to figure out the answer to that.

so, there are tricks of the trade.  i won't give them all away, but if you google "porn fake cum" you will see some pretty elaborate recipes, certain lubes that look like cum once you've fucked using them (Silk, to name one), and two products that are commonly used in (gasp again!) mainstream porn:  pina colada mix, and eucerin lotion.

i won't name names, but i talked to three men who have shot on mainstream pro sets, and all three men named those two products:  eucerin, and pina colada mix.  and all three men verified that, hell yes, fake cum is used by every studio they have shot with.  not just amateur studios, but the major players.

now this person who blogged the whole fake cum controversy certainly did not put up any fight whatsoever when fake cum was used in her particular scene.  she herself posted behind the scenes footage.  footage, by the way, which was taken with no knowledge of any of the other participants in the room.  

more about that later.  

but, if she was so set against using fake cum, why didn't she say something?  anything?  in fact, not one peep was made by her in the behind the scenes footage she herself recorded.

this person also claims that personal information was publicly given out about her.  however, in her own blog, she has posted screen shots that give out personal information about people with whom she has been in communication.  this seems very hypocritical.  

but let's say for the sake of argument, her personal information was outted first. perhaps this is her way of getting revenge by also posting personal information. 

something to ponder:  do two wrongs make a right?  if you publicly state someone has wronged you by posting your private information, is it not also wrong for you to post their private information?

the beautiful eliza allure has posted a recording of this person showing what this person is really like.  this person certainly cannot complain about this recording, as she herself is guilty of recording and then publicly posting videos taken without people's knowledge, and probably knows that if she makes too big a fuss about this recording, she would have to take down her own ill-gotten recordings.

so, as not one. not two, but three people who i admire have told me not to waste my time and energy on this person, i shall no longer do so.  i did feel it was time somebody has a lasting public rebuttal to what was accused.  and so i feel i have accomplished that goal.  but i shall certainly waste no more time or energy on her.  

instead, i shall let her very own words speak for her:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJGtSKyfxxY

FINALLY!

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